This isn't goodbye. This is I'll see you later.

It started with the Eiffel Tower.

Normally people celebrate the first moments of their 21st birthday taking shots or having a party of some sort. For me, none of that happened. Rather, I had a date. A date with the Eiffel Tower. For me, that was the first thing I saw in Paris that made me feel secure about my decision, so I thought I would go one last time to see it. And just like the first time, and the other times in between, it took my breathe away. I went to the stand where I got my first crepe in Paris, got a birthday crepe and a Heineken. I walked to the bridge and just reflected on my time here. I have documented all my experiences, and shared with you my intense adoration and love for this country and especially this city. I came to Paris broken, and when I got my acceptance letter, I was banking on this experience to put me back together. It hasn't just put me back together, it has transformed me in the best ways possible. I now know I want to come back here and teach, so I am continuing French in Chicago to make it happen. I now want to travel to every part of the world and experience all I can. I don't want to live today in yesterday or tomorrow, but rather I want to live for the moment. Paris made me realize that. It's the moments that matter. The moments that make our life worth something.

And now I sit in my naked room, stripped of the pictures of my friends and family, typing this final post, and I wish that I could leave something of myself here so that it is evident I was here. But I have left pieces of me. I signed Oscar Wilde's grave, the tree by Jim Morrison's grave, and the bridge by the Eiffel Tower. I have dined in a castle, been kissed under the Eiffel Tower, danced in an Irish bar, stood in a 2,000 year old building, and done a coffeeshop crawl. But more than that, I have traveled to seven countries, met a ton of people, made some amazing friends, and experienced so many different cultures.  It's been a once in a lifetime experience, an experience that I will hold close to me forever.

So as the clock struck midnight, and the light show started, I opened my beer and cheers-ed the Eiffel Tower. I had a view of Sacre Coeur on my left, the Seine River beneath me, and the structure that started it all in front of me. It was truly the perfect 21st birthday moment. I will have the parties with my friends over break and back in Chicago and the dinner with parents, but this moment is something I wouldn't trade for the world. However, I realized that my birthday isn't just today, but it's been happening for the past 3 months.

When the light show ended I began walking to the RER. But before I descended down that staircase I took last look at the Eiffel Tower and thought to myself, "This isn't goodbye. This is I'll see you later."

It ended with the Eiffel Tower.

I get an extra day in Paris - Best birthday present ever

I guess Paris could sense my sadness over leaving and decided to let me stay another day. My plane was cancelled to the States, so my birthday is going to be 7 hours longer and on a plane. Normally this might upset me, but if I get another day in Paris, I'll take it.

Today I crammed everything in with my brother. As I was thinking that it was my last day in Paris, I cherished the city today. My brother and I went to the Catacombs, which was sad, interesting, shocking, etc. It was just walls and walls lined with bones and skulls. When we were done we went to Galeries Lafayette where I finally bought my Longchamp purse. I love it. It has the Eiffel Tower on it, and is perfect. I cannot wait to wear it around with my new beret. Yes, I am the stereotypical French person, deal. I then took Mark to Sacre Coeur, and then we went shopping at the various tourist shops. I got all my girls shot glasses and some paintings, for pretty cheap too. After we had shopped I took Mark for falafel. Man, I could eat that everyday. It is so good. Mark and I then made our way to the Arc de Triomphe where we climbed to the top. I lied before when I said that the best view of Paris was from Sacre Coeur. The best view of Paris is at the Arc de Triomphe. It was breathtaking. I just stood there and took it all in. As I looked at my city, so beautiful and amazing, I let a few tears slide down my face. The sight of the city from the top of the Arc is something I will cherish forever.

We then walked down the Champs-Elysees, went past the Obelisk de Luxor and headed to the Louvre. During this time it had began to snow quite heavily. Paris is gorgeous period, but when it snows it beyond enchanting and magical. After the Louvre we went to Notre Dame and then headed back to pack. I hated packing. It was so final and I hated seeing my life here put into suitcases, waiting to be brought back to the US. So when I got the email that I had one more day in Paris, I was beyond excited! One more day in the city I love can only mean one thing - SHOPPING!

Until next time.

My Roman Holiday

So much to say about Rome. It truly is a beautiful city. My first day there I was by myself because my family was coming the next day, so after I had checked into my hotel I decided to leave my camera in my room and just wander around. I ventured to the Trevi Fountain, Piazza Navona, Pantheon, and then to the Colosseum area. It was so amazing to see these structures. After I had been walking around for a couple of hours I wandered into some random pizza place and got some pizza. It was so delicious. I met a guy who worked there, Giovanni and we talked for a little while. I love the way Italians talk. They wear their hearts on their sleeve and talk with such emotion. When they talk it’s like a song. If I wasn’t already learning French I would start to learn Italian. Hell, I might anyways.

After I talked to Giovanni, I decided to head back to my hotel and call it a night because the next day my family was arriving!

My family was a little late arriving due to their flight being delayed so I decided to have gelato for breakfast. My God, Italian gelato. It is heavenly. I am glad I didn’t study in Rome because if I had I would have lived off of pasta and gelato and probably would have gained a ton of weight. So while Liz Gilbert in Eat Pray Love had her “No carb left behind” act in Italy, I decided I was going to have my “No gelato left behind” act of my own. I had gelato at least once a day when I was in Rome, and I don’t regret a single, sugary calorie of it. But back on track…

When my parents and brother got there we headed off to our hotel to check in, and from there we headed to the Colosseum. There are not enough words in the English vocabulary to express how truly astounding that experience was. We toured the inside, and the entire time I was in there I imagined 50,000 people screaming and yelling with two men fighting for their lives. And then when one of them had fallen, the still standing gladiator went up to the emperor and asked if this man should live or die, and then the emperor motions to the people, letting them decide his fate. God, the atmosphere in that place must have just been electric. I mean aside from the fighting for your life part, it really isn’t different from the giant boxing matches we have today. People paying money to watch men beat the crap out of one another.

After the Colosseum we went to the Roman Forum, which again was just so amazing. The history that happened in these places is truly astounding. After that, we went to the Pantheon, Trevi Fountain again and I got some gelato with my parents. But they were feeling the time change, so we called it an early night and went to bed.

The next day we went to Palatine Hill, and the ruins there are impeccable. From the roof of the ruin of one house you could see the basilica and the colosseum. Just imagine living there in this time, hearing the people roaring from the colosseum, and then seeing the gorgeous basilica. What a time to live. We then went to the Mouth of Truth, which I was super excited about because it was in the movie, Roman Holiday aka one of the best movies ever made. I got to put my hand in it, just like Audrey and Gregory did! Ahh...made my day! When I was done experiencing my Audrey moment, we ventured to the Vatican. St. Peter’s basilica was gorgeous, but I am sorry I am not one for applauding churches and basilica’s for spending atrocious amounts of money to make their buildings pretty. I think that money would be better spent going to the people who actually need it or to other charities. That is all I am going to say on the issue. When we were done at the basilica, we went to the Vatican museum where we saw the Sistine Chapel. One of the most amazing things I have ever seen. The entire inside in this painting, which took Michelangelo seven years to complete. We entered the chapel, which is dimly lit, most likely to preserve the paintings, and I took a seat and just stared. You could spend all day in there not notice it all. It is truly a masterpiece. Since it’s a holy place it is supposed to be silent, but honestly I think it should just be silent so people can get lost in the paintings. I mean just look at the detail of his depictions and you won’t want anyone to talk to you. No pictures are allowed, which is understandable, but I don’t need a picture to remember this. Although, one ignoramous jerk tried to take a picture with his phone, but security was on him like a hawk and kicked him out. It’s called respect, some people need to learn it.

When we were done with the chapel we went to a restaurant for lunch/dinner. I had gnocchi, by request of Deepa, and man it was delicious. Italians really do know how to make pasta. I was so sad when I had my last gnocchi. When we were done we walked on to the Spanish Steps, and along the way we passed various high end fashion stores. I saw Louis Vuitton and Tiffany’s. The Christmas lights were also gorgeous. It made me miss Paris though. The Spanish steps were cool, but it was dark so my brother and I decided that we would return the next day when it was light out. 

We headed back to the hotel. My dad and I decided that we wanted to see the Colosseum at night, so me and him went off on our own little adventure. I loved seeing the Colosseum at night because the lighting is done so perfectly. It kinda makes it feel like it is haunted, which is a fitting feeling since the first 100 days that the Colosseum was open over 2,000 men died. I then took my dad to the Trevi area for gelato and to see the fountain at night. I had a pretty good understanding of Rome now, and therefore a map wasn't necessary. We enjoyed our gelato before heading back to the hotel. My parents left tat morning and so it was just me and my brother. We went to this piazza, the Spanish steps, the Pantheon, the Piazza Navona, and the Trident Fountain. Rome is tiny so it didn't take long for us to walk to all of that. But it began snowing, which was quite a sight. I am guessing it doesn't snow often in Rome because there were Italians taking out their iphones to take pictures of the snow. We still had time to kill before the shuttle came to take us to the airport so we went shopping at tourist shops. I got Jake a present and Mark got himself a hat. We then had pizza and gelato for lunch. It was a nice way to say bye to Rome.

Our airport experience was horrible. Our plane was an hour and a half late taking off, but of course they didn't tell us that our flight was delayed so we stood in line for forty minutes waiting to board. But as soon as we landed in Paris all I could think was, "Man, it's good to be home." But I was also like a kid in a candy store. I couldn't wait to get off and show my brother the Eiffel Tower. We got there and the first thing I did was take him to get a crepe. The same guy who took my first order in Paris was there. Even though I ordered my meal in French last time, this time I greeted him, ordered and had a little conversation with him in French. The light show was amazing, and the snow just added to the enchanting effect. Mark liked it, and I cannot wait to show him around tomorrow. 

Well, until next time. 

Ugh.

I am done with school, and I have said all my goodbyes. It's so official and beyond sad. After we had turned our finals Deepa, Sophia and I made our way to Planet food for the last time. We ordered our fries with samourai and cheezy sauce, sat at our usual table and talked about boys, school, and just life. When we were done, we walked back to our dorm in the cold and said goodbye. As I sit here crying, I think back to my first day when i didn't know anyone and now I am leaving this program with a bunch of close friends.

Tomorrow I leave for Rome. My family will not be joining me the first day, so I am going to wander by myself and stop by a couple of bars that Megan recommended to me. I am sure I'll do a little shopping. I am going to get gelato, pizza, and just take it all in. I found some summer programs for archaeological digs in Rome that I am applying for. The thought of interning or working in an office drives me crazy. I want to do actual work that has meaning. I know, optimistic right? What can I say, France has brought that out in me.

Well I have to pack. God, that is a depressing thought. As Megan would say, ciao bella.

Not all who wander are lost

My brother got a tattoo, which I think is awesome. He is the good child in the family, so that fact that he did something so "deviant" is fantastic. He skyped me and then he gave me a play by play as he showed our mom. My poor mother didn't take it too well, but I mean it's just a tattoo and it means something to him. BUT because he got one, that means I can get one. So for my 21st birthday I am getting a dandelion with some of the seeds blowing away with the quote "Not all who wander are lost" blowing away with them. I am getting that tattoo on my side, so it is going to hurt a lot. I initially wanted to get it on my wrist, but thinking about the future, it could become a hassle to have to constantly keep it covered up for my job, pictures, etc. So you may ask, then why get it if you are worried about it being covered? Aside from the childlike response of "Because I wanna", this tattoo means something very important to me. I have always loved the quote "Not all who wander are lost". I have posted it on my facebook page, written in my journal and used it as a semi-motto for my life. But what I understand now about that quote is that, it is ok to wander and to be unsure about one wants to do and just because I wander, doesn't means I am without purpose. France has taught me that. I am so used to the questions - "What do you want to be when you grow up?", "Where are you going to law school?", "When do you want to get married?", "Do you want children?", "What are you doing this weekend?" - And for once in my life I am going to say, I don't know. I don't know if I want to go to law school, if I want children, get married, if I want to eat pizza or pasta for dinner, wear my blue or black shoes, get up at 8 or 9 am - I just don't know. Why is everyone so obsessed with plans, charts, schedules and being so organized that they lose spontaneity, passion, and miss out of life because they are too busy planning it that they forget to actually live it. It's nice not knowing what is going to happen, but to just go with the flow. As I was thinking about what tattoo to get last night, I thought of the dandelion and how it is rooted in the ground, but its seeds travel and are planted in various areas where they will grow. That's me. I have roots in Chicago, Minneapolis, and Paris but I am looking forward to traveling more and (to be cliche) going where the wind takes me.

The other one I am getting is on my ankle and it is a shooting star. For those who know me, you know why I am getting it.

Aside from the tattoo excitement of last night, my last weekend in Paris with friends has been tame. I went out last night to get some Indian food with Deepa and Dan, went out today with Deepa for dinner and tomorrow we are going to get a drink after we turn in our papers.  I am also going to take a break tomorrow to go get my Longchamp purse. I have been bogged down by this paper I have to do for my class. It has been so long since I have written a paper, so the process has been going a little slower than I am used to but it's coming along.

I am really looking forward to being in Rome Tuesday with my family. I am sure that blogpost will be a fun one to write. Wish me luck on my paper.

I don't like endings, but I really hate this one.

My dad came to Paris yesterday. I met him after my final in the dorm and took him to the Eiffel Tower so he could see it during the day. After the Eiffel Tower we went to Notre Dame and then to the Frog and the British Library for dinner and drinks. Today we went to Sacre Couer, Louvre, Obelisk, Arc de Triomphe, Hotel de Ville, Bastille, the Marais, the Tuileries, Eiffel tower at night and the Champs-Elysees. Busy day? Just wait. We had a pain au chocolat for breakfast, falafel for lunch, macarons, Angelina's hot chocolate, beer, and shared an appetizer. I crammed in a few days worth of stuff into one day because I wanted my dad to see it all. And of course it was a treat for me as well. But, what I love about having my dad here is that he has always shared my extreme passion and love for history. I am glad he gets to come here and see this impeccable city.

Last night after my dad and I got back, I went out to this student bar with Lauren, Jessen, Grace, Ramona, Jen, Dan and Ray. It was the last night I got to hang out with Lauren and maybe the other people depending on how this paper goes. It was a fun night. We got our Guinness, which reminded us of Dublin and we all met some great guys. I met a guy named Alex and it was a lot of fun to talk to him. The bar we were at had a mix of live music and radiolike music, so dancing was also a ton of fun. It was a great chill night in Paris, and when it ended it was very impacting. I hate endings, but I especially hate this one.

Well, French final done. Paper is on its way. Monday I'll be done with school and Tuesday I'll be in Rome with my family.

The night before French final and last class...

Well tomorrow is my French final. Am I prepared? I think so, but honestly I am not good at this language. Really, I am not. And that fact sucks because I am going to be taking it for the next year and a half so I can become fluent and teach here. Why does Paris have to be so awesome, but it's language so terrible??

I have had a great last few days with my friends in Paris though. On Monday me and some friends just hung out in my room, enjoyed some wine, beer, and scottish whisky and then made a late night run to Planet Food for french fries. We spoke French as we ordered our food and had a great time. Yesterday I went to the Frog and the British Library for a pint and dinner with friends and tonight I went to falafel with friends. We are doing lasts. It was the last time we would all go to Planet Food, get a pint at one of the Frog pubs, get falafel, and tomorrow will be my last Kayser breakfast and lunch. I have splurged this week on food, because in a few short days I will go back to my spinach, tomato and egg diet. So I have been enjoying the delicious pastries, simplistic brie sandwiches, and other things that I will not be able to get back home. I am spending time with people who have become very dear to me. I also have decided that when I get back I am going to be a vegetarian. My friend Grace does it for environment sustainability reasons and I cannot help but be intrigued. So I have decided to give it a go. It'll will definitely help my wallet at school, and since I'll be cooking for myself it'll be quite easy.

Wow, I am going to have an apartment. When did this happen? When did I grow up? It seems like yesterday I was this junior in high school going on her first real date. It seems like yesterday I was graduating from high school. It seems like yesterday I was leaving for France. And now here I am with less than twelve days left in Europe. So many amazing memories and lessons learned.

Well I have my final and my last class. Then my papa comes and I get to introduce him to my Paris. But before I go, I want to explain why I say my when I talk about Paris. This is the only place in the world that I feel is mine. I have very few memories with family, no memories with my ex or friends from Chicago, and while this may seem selfish, I love that. I love that this was my experience. Mine. How very seldom one gets to utter that word and feel good about it. Goodnight everyone.