I had a fantastic day in Paris with my friends. First of all, I woke up to snow flurries creating a gorgeous winter wonderland. Seriously, I cannot even write how happy I was. I love snow. Lauren, Jessen and I decided to go out in Paris and enjoy the weather, rather than stay in. We went to Les Philosophes to do some work and reading, and we had this amazing hot chocolate there. After doing work for a while, we went to King Falafel for dinner and then to Shywawa for a pint of McEwans. We hung out at the bar for a while before heading off to get gelato and crepes. By the time we were heading back we had been out for over eight hours during the day, making for a perfect day in Paris. This was the last Saturday in Paris with my friends. Just writing that makes me tear up. I have had such an amazing time with these people and I am so happy I get to share these memories with them. Even though I know I'll see them at Chicago and we will have new experiences and stories there, I have experienced something special with them. I lived in a foreign country and traveled with people who I had never met before this program, and they have become some great friends. It's such a wonderful thing. It's comforting to know that we'll always have Paris.
On to a more serious topic - I had an intense conversation with my mom tonight. I made a decision to spend more money here, and then I would just get a job at school or take out a loan. I don't regret that decision for a moment, but also the thought of money, signing my lease for winter, classes, RSO's, volunteering, and looking for jobs brought me back a little bit to the reality of Chicago. The simple fact of the matter is that I want to stay here. I commend my parents on trusting me to get on the plane by myself and actually go to the States. It is so tempting to put my brother on the plane and say bye bubba, and just stay here. I could find a job as a waitress I'm sure, and even though it wouldn't be the most lavish life style at least I'd be here. But alas I have the Catholic guilt without being Catholic, and thus I most likely will be on that plane home on December 19th.
But don't get me wrong. Am I looking forward to seeing my friends at school and home? One thousand percent yes. Am I looking forward to classes? Yes. What I fear about returning home is that I am going to get tied down and become a "someday" person. I don't want to go back, graduate and then just get a job and lead the typical American life of always working but never doing. So many people I know don't travel, don't indulge their selves, and are stressed out all the time. I cringe at this life. I fear it. I vow that I will not end up that way, even though the battle will be difficult. I will not become my job. I will not sacrifice my happiness for the almighty dollar. I will not make my life about another's.
I also fear regression and going back to the person I was back home. I wasn't a bad person or anything, but I hadn't lived. Rather, I was clinging to something, rather someone, and I have realized that I need to let them go. So that is what I am doing. While I appreciate the past, (duh, history major!) I have personally been too involved in my own. Time to make history rather than dwelling on what was.
Well in four and a half hours I have be up because Lauren and I are going to Bruges. Hello chocolate, waffles, mussels, beer, and Christmas markets! Good night from Paris all.
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